CRITIQUE

Below is a piece of writing, I would be grateful if you would offer opinions on it . It is not by a fellow blogger so I’m after more than just whether you like it or not but if that’s all you want say that’s of course appreciated. I would like to know if you think it has merit, whether it reaches you, may be you don’t get it and it just leaves you cold.

Should you recognize it please keep it to yourself as I don’t want anything to influence your opinions. Then in a couple of days I’ll reveal who the author is. Thank you.

 

 

Do you dare deny my potency

my kindness or forgiveness

just try you will fry

like the rest in holiness.

 

And not for a penny

will I spare any time

for you ghost children

down there in the frightening world.

 

You are alone

and have no need of other you

and the child mother

who bore you

who weaned you

who made you man

9 thoughts on “CRITIQUE

    1. Thanks Charlie, I feel the same almost as if they’ve simply put phrases together because they like the sound of them. I get nothing from it no emotion and it sparks neither imagination or intellect only curiosity, the complete opposite of your work, and this is published.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. The first two lines hook you in, but then I don’t quite get the ‘frying in holiness’ if your going to fry then your off to hell and what’s holy about hell?
    I like the second verse, I think it’s well written ‘ghost children, frightening worlds’ always conjure up images, but it also brings in mythology and to me says that even a coin for Kharon will not save you.
    The first two lines of the final verse then seem to confirm that it is only your inner soul that will be left, so technically all earthly things will be left behind hence you will be alone. But, that sort of kicks the ‘we all meet up in paradise’ theory into touch?
    So, I wonder if it is religious at all; sounds more like desperation?
    Sorry got a bit carried away. Now you know why I don’t get asked to critique 😀

    Like

    1. That is absolutely brilliant my friend ! Tremendous critique, you’ve brought so many ideas to the party and what you say is so so relevant to what this person was about.
      Thank you very much for your trouble Charlie, much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Reading it over a few times Nigel it feels like someone at odds with both their religion and existence. The words seem to question and turn back on themselves, like looking in one of those mirrors that show numerous reflections. A troubled soul perhaps?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the input Davy, this has become fascinating, I was interested how Alchemists of word would see this, the answer, which I’ll explain soon, is that you all are reading this person very accurately.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve read this several times and wanted to wait to respond until I had a few quiet moments to focus and give it the attention you’ve asked for.

    I think the first two lines are certainly powerful. Fiery even, which ties in well with the following line. The feeling I get first is that it reads like something from an angry God, or just angry at being denied, angry at the things people do. I may be way off but that part alone reminds me of Edwards’ sermon. I’m a bit confused how those lines lead into the final line of that stanza. Fry/hell. Is hell holy? I keep thinking I’m missing something there. ‘Like the rest in holiness’. ‘Rest’ (the rest of you) speaks of everyone else, but it also makes me think of death, at rest, peace and I like that idea, just unsure how it connects.

    I like ghost children and frightening world. Ghost children like lost souls maybe? Because they’ve become lost, there’s no time spared them, or perhaps they only feel like they aren’t being offered the same time as others.

    ‘And have no need of other you
    and the child mother’…
    Here’s another part that reads like a double meaning to me. If I read the first line of that stanza focusing solely on that line, ‘other you’ is your soul. Everything else falls away and you don’t need anything else. But for some reason my mind/eyes want to put ‘you’ at the beginning of the following line and then it becomes something like you only need to look to whatever this bigger thing is, no other, and somehow all the wrongs are made right.

    It feels like it has religious or spiritual undertones, or tries to. It leaves lots of questions and curiosity where it skims the surface of what I would imagine is intended to be something deeper, I just don’t know what exactly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s brilliant Lynn, thank you. I was hoping you’d got time to comment as I really wanted your input. I’m very pleased that such diverse writers have responded, there is so much extraordinary talent in our circle . Once again like the others I feel you’re picking out important aspects of this person’s mind set. I’ll post the follow up tonight and see if that takes us any where else.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s