First posted by my alter ego on WARP THOUGHT
I’m drawn to and see humour everywhere just as I’m drawn to and see wonder everywhere, such is the dichotomy of Poet and Clown. I find the Clown is useful for shutting the doors I often leave open which is never a good idea for me.
Over the last decade, Historians, Archaeologists, Theologians along with advances in science have enabled the mysteries of the past to be unravelled more than ever before. So I can now present, due to the latest ‘carbon pencil dating’ and ‘your guess is as good as mine’ research techniques the definitive version of ‘ The Last Supper’.
The last supper was actually held on the Sabbath, which really didn’t go down too well, however Jesus Christ ‘JC’ moved the Sabbath to Sunday for his followers and him so they could see the match on a Saturday. They were excited as it was the semi’s between Damascus Utd and Jericho City (in reality only a village with rubble by then ). For once JC had got his finger out and booked in advance so they got the big table by the bar. It was nothing special, a typical Judean fast food joint, bread and wine was the entire menu and frankly the staff would have to be in a coma for it to be slow !
“Next, Yes ?”
“Bread and Wine please”
“There you go, Next !”
The disciples were well up for it when Jesus said he had something to tell them .
JC: Listen lads, this is going to be the last supper
All: Eh ! don’t say that boss, why, what, when ? Eh !
JC: Well my dad’s got a job for me to do. I’m to be arrested by the Romans for being naughty on the orders of the Pharisees, probably the Sadisees and the Madisees too.
I’ll be nailed to a cross !
Simon: Ouch ! that’ll sting a bit Boss”
JC: And the left to die for your sins, then I’ll be resurrected.
Colin: Resurr- what ?
Pete: Brought back to life you tit !
JC: Lads ! do you mind, and then I’ll ascend into Heaven to sit at the right hand side of God, or left I haven’t decided yet. Any questions ?
The silence was palpable, and also very quiet. The lads looked confused, none more so than Colin and Simon.
Simon: Dying for our sins ! seems a bit excessive I’ve never sinned in my life ! Although I did leave a gate slightly ajar and an Ox nearly escaped. And Colin once broke wind in front of the High Priest and blamed it on the sacrificial goat.
Colin: Yes that’s true but I did do a penance of washing my face in hot coals .
JC: Look you Pillocks , I’m dying for the sins of ‘all mankind’ and there’s some right nasty bastards out there I can tell you.
Brian : Go on then, tell us, we’d love to hear about em wouldn’t we lads ?
JC: For Dads sake, I haven’t got time for this. Pete will deny knowing me 3 times.
Pete: Who said that ? Ahhh got ya ! That’s the first.
JC: Very funny ! Judas will betray me !
Judas: As if ! why pick on me ?
Simon: Because you told em it was me that did’nt fasten the gate
Judas: Fair enough, it does sound like me. I don’t know what it is but I can’t help myself, I just point and shout “he did it” or “he’s behind the aqueduct !” What am I like ?
Pete: A Prick !
Then Keith chimed in,
Keith: If you’re resurr, resaar erm brought back to life what’s the problem ?
JC: HUGE SIGH Because I’m trying to leave mankind a message !!!
Keith: What don’t be naughty or you’ll be nailed to a cross and don’t trust anyone called Julie ?
Judas: JUDAS ! you plank !
JC: Well, sorry but that’s what’s happening. But just as a thank you I’ve had these ‘JC and the Disciples’ tour robes printed up. Help yourselves, they’re all medium but one’s got ‘Bastard’ written on the back, that’s yours Julie !