To know I am alive


I held my arm aloft, fingers splayed to feel the air 

tumble through, leaving me a touch of cold share,

to know I am alive

and I waved my hand across sunlight’s bright glow

my sight briefly tattooed by the floating spark halo.

to know I am alive


I made the ferocious noise of anger born sound

fastening a pleading gaze on the world around

to know I am alive

and naked I challenged the cold of winter’s night

to steal my body’s warmth with it’s freezing spite.

to know I am alive


I took her from him out of lust, because I could,

and to feel sweet self loathing, hoping I would

know I am alive.

My love was spurious, masked, myself to deny.

Reason for hearts cruelly spent I gave no reply

to know I am alive.


And I held my new born who was a part of me

and as her tiny fingers touched my face I wept,

before the world, for all the world to see

knowing I was alive.

15 thoughts on “TO KNOW I AM ALIVE

  1. Such a powerful poem, Nigel! Every word is strong and meaningful. So much one can do to feel alive, and all of this is definitely it, but those last lines…wow! Not much in life compares to what you describe there. Truly amazing. Yours is always my first read of the day and always the highlight. And that photo is precious.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It can be a scary thing. I can tell you’re a wonderful father and your kids mean the world to you. Sometimes opposites can play off of each other, complement the other as it offers strength in ways we didn’t know we had.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I have a piece on rain that I need to work out, and something else that I’m not sure where it’s going because I only have a title for it so far, but I have a general idea. Sometimes titles come to me before the rest of the words. Also have the Harrison quote from day 3.
        Can’t wait to see what you’re working on.
        Are these new meds or ones you’ve been on for a while?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. There’s 2 types, ‘bad shit’ and ‘really bad shit’, the RBS pushed me to the edge of a nervous breakdown so they quickly reduced them which pushed me to the edge of a physical breakdown and now they’ve increased the BS and it’s wait n see !

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Lynn, you wouldn’t believe how much Parkinsonia is a land of smoke & mirrors. I have a science degree and 30 y of diagnostics via c.lens optics plus I have P.D and up to 2 y ago was constantly researching 24/7, I have no answers but I’m sure there are some fundamental errors and my conclusion is ‘ it’s all f**ked up’ . For that reason I now never go there and devout myself to Alchemy and I’m so much happier !

        Liked by 1 person

      5. New, or ones I’ve seen, I love them all. Ah, those inspiring kind of sparks are nice. I’m interested to see where you take that. By the way, your Carrey post from yesterday had me pulling out the paints and dusting off some canvases, so we’ll see what I can come up with. It’s been a while since I’ve tried to paint.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I will post them. Two art forms that I enjoy, so featuring them together will be fun. I started to post on FB the Tiffany’s inspired painting from that painting class just so you could see it but it’s so awful. Maybe I’ll post it there after all.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.