WHAT DID I DO ? written & spoken

This was inspired by our friend DavyD of ‘Inside the mind of DavyD’ . Davy did an intriguing piece called ‘ Marriage Guidance’ which is well worth checking out and prompted ,as most of Davy’s Art does, some great comments and banter.

What did I do ?

 

I felt it best like a panther to tread,

so my sleeping love not to wake,

as I softly padded around her bed

with my slice of ‘forgive me’ cake.

Though I am clearly guilty as sin

I’m not quite sure what I’ve done

but in trial ‘by wife’ you cannot win

so I’ll be lucky to again see the sun.

Down at my lil’ pit viper I glanced,

then recalled I’d mentioned her ass !!

I’d said it wobbled when she danced

but otherwise I thought it first class.

I suggested she wore her hair short

I’d read it’s best for the mature lady,

her lasagne was just like shop bought

and her new coat made her look shady.

I said I’d buy her a more supportive bra

which didn’t seem to go down that well,

and she glared when I referred to ‘my’ car,

she was cross about something I could tell.

Then I heard a noise only beasts can make

and her piercing eyes turned me to stone

as shaking I offered her that slice of cake

while she reached over for her phone.

She told her mother she was staying here

as she pushed jam sponge into her face

that I could get in bed she then made clear

and shuffled over to make some space.

All I said was her arse then wobbled too

and her mood suddenly changed yet again

I said for pity’s sake please give me a clue,

your mood swings will drive me insane.

I’m now more considerate and aware

and think about how I behave,

so today my razors I’ve offered to share

cos’ she really needs to shave.

10 thoughts on “WHAT DID I DO ? written & spoken

  1. Oh my goodness! I laughed right out loud at this! Every line is a gem, Nige, and you are a wonderful thing! Love this male perspective. I’m pretty sure most feel like they can’t win no matter what they say or do. I must listen again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nigel, I am honoured to have provided the inspiration for this brave and wonderful piece. I have prepared the spare room and have sent an extraction team to help get you out. This is going to keep me smiling all weekend.

    Liked by 2 people

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