This was inspired by our friend DavyD of ‘Inside the mind of DavyD’ . Davy did an intriguing piece called ‘ Marriage Guidance’ which is well worth checking out and prompted ,as most of Davy’s Art does, some great comments and banter.
What did I do ?
I felt it best like a panther to tread,
so my sleeping love not to wake,
as I softly padded around her bed
with my slice of ‘forgive me’ cake.
Though I am clearly guilty as sin
I’m not quite sure what I’ve done
but in trial ‘by wife’ you cannot win
so I’ll be lucky to again see the sun.
Down at my lil’ pit viper I glanced,
then recalled I’d mentioned her ass !!
I’d said it wobbled when she danced
but otherwise I thought it first class.
I suggested she wore her hair short
I’d read it’s best for the mature lady,
her lasagne was just like shop bought
and her new coat made her look shady.
I said I’d buy her a more supportive bra
which didn’t seem to go down that well,
and she glared when I referred to ‘my’ car,
she was cross about something I could tell.
Then I heard a noise only beasts can make
and her piercing eyes turned me to stone
as shaking I offered her that slice of cake
while she reached over for her phone.
She told her mother she was staying here
as she pushed jam sponge into her face
that I could get in bed she then made clear
and shuffled over to make some space.
All I said was her arse then wobbled too
and her mood suddenly changed yet again
I said for pity’s sake please give me a clue,
your mood swings will drive me insane.
I’m now more considerate and aware
and think about how I behave,
so today my razors I’ve offered to share
cos’ she really needs to shave.